Yep. And I have a counseling degree. Albeit a school counseling degree, but nonetheless, I once took courses in counseling. You'd think I'd be better at navigating difficult.
Well, I'm not. But I'm having to learn how to be.
And in July, before Way turned 3, we had to have our first IEP meeting.
I'll keep it short and say the meeting didn't go well and had to be continued. I was told I had to sign some papers or that someone in the school system would get a "bad mark." I didn't sign the papers. I rocked the boat. I didn't let them choose and I didn't avoid confrontation and I didn't avoid hard. Though I wanted to, so badly. I didn't though, because I am Way's advocate and I am his Mommy. Way, unlike our others boys, needs us to stand up for him in ways we don't have to for his older brothers. And some of that has already happened, but it was game on once the IEP meetings rolled around.
Our IEP meeting was finally finalized yesterday. And while I wasn't angry or frustrated yesterday at the meeting, I was very much disheartened. Nothing ideal happened and really, nothing good happened either.
I found myself following the rabbit trails of "What-if's." What if he doesn't get x service? What if he can't ever go to such and such school? What if we can't afford to send him to this and that school? What if we have to move? What if he still isn't walking in a year? What if he falls through the cracks? What if this? What if that?
And let me tell you, the "What-if" game isn't fun.
But, by the grace of God, and after a few tears, I felt peace. I had family and friends praying for that meeting. I knew that their prayers wouldn't guarantee a rosy outcome. I asked them to pray for my peace about the entire thing and for wisdom in my role as Way's advocate. The Lord delivered my peace.
I want to live my life with the big picture before me, His big picture. I want my life to radiate with an eternal perspective! It's a fight, for sure, in this culture we live in. Our culture is dominated by success, money, drive, the best education, the best school, the best, the best, the best. I'm not immune to it. But, I want to be.
I've realized if I'm not living my life with an eternal focus, there truly is no point to this life. He has gone before us and fought for us. He has told us, in His Word,
"that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." --John 16:33
So, life isn't easy. But, the Lord has already won! That doesn't mean that the things of this life, like IEP meetings or decisions about schools, work, houses, health, etc. don't matter. But it does mean, we shouldn't worry. The Lord has also told us he will take care of us. He knows our needs, He loves us and He will provide for us!
"The Lord is my shephrd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever. " --Psalm 23
I'm so thankful the Lord is Way's Shepherd!